I started my career working with gang bangers, sexual offenders and grand theft auto convicts.  All of them were under the age of 18.  It was one of the best jobs I have ever had.

In no particular order,here is what those kids taught me about life, work and business.

1.  People want to be good.

2.We need to be open to other points of view to really help others.

3. Ask questions if you want to understand. For example:

Sue: “So, Rob, you’re a smart kid. If you put your smarts to use in a legit way, you could get out of the gang and stay out of jail. Why sell drugs?”

Rob: “Sue, you know it ain’t that easy and who’s going to help me get there?”

Sue: “OK, but why do you sell drugs? You know it hurts people.”

Rob: “It’s a business. If stupid white people want to come into my neighborhood and buy my shit, that’s their problem. I’m supplying a need.”

Sue: Well, I never thought of it that way……

(Rob was 16 years old. Never did drugs. Never knew his real parents. Smartest kid I knew. Had NO support in the community. He did the best he could.  One year later was killed for dealing on someone else’s corner.)

4. You can help people with who you are, your time,your ideas and the power of your presence. You know that scene in “Good Will Hunting,” when Matt Damon (the student/client)  and Robin Williams (the therapist) just sit there for 5o minutes in silence?  Yeah, I”ve done that. It means something.

5. Actions speak louder than words. Want to help a kid who is traumatized and won’t speak to you other than to scream and throw chairs? Make him a peanut, butter and jelly sandwich (known as “PB&J therapy”),sit on the floor, then put the chairs away.  No words.

6. Nobody has the right way to heal. The best therapists in our whole program were the front desk receptionist and the cook. Two older ladies who knew everyone’s name, greeted everyone with a smile and had food.  Never underestimate the healing power of an old lady with donuts.

7.  Degrees don’t  mean anything when you really want to make a change in someone’s life. See #8.

8.  When the toughest problems are yours to solve, you get creative. Our kids couldn’t live with us in our program forever. Eventually they had to go home. But they often ended up in the same situation because their environment was the same, even if the kid was different.  Big problem we needed to solve.  So we developed what I called a “multiple family group” and told parents they had to participate to get their kid home someday.  We could change the kids AND the parents.  People came from all over the state. Took trains, buses, hitched rides with friends. We’d put 20 – 30 people in a room to talk about life on the streets, drug addiction (the parents and the kids), and cognitive behavioral therapy. We had no “evidence” it would work, there was no research to support it, no one had done it before.  We had  a problem to solve, and OMG the conversations in that room took our breath away.  The group became a family for our kids with no parents. The parents began to parent all the kids (in appropriate ways).  We shared meals together. The  boys and their parents gave me a wedding shower.   Convicted felon BOYS!! And it was a surprise.   Did that group change everyone’s life? No. Did it change one person’s life? I’d like to hope so.  Well, it changed mine.

9.  The best skills we can teach anyone are how to have empathy for others and how to take care of oneself.

How did all this help me build a business?

Those boys taught me this:

• that ideas can change lives
• new ways of thinking and doing are necessary to make a difference
• there are others who can do certain things better than I and I refer to them
• turf wars are pointless and can hurt people. Collaboration is where the power lies.
• if you build a business that meets a need,the right people will find you
• telling someone about yourself is the only way to help them
• sometimes 16 year olds and homeless people  know more than me, so I should ask lots of questions, listen and learn
• doing good work above and beyond the billable hour or reimbursed service pays dividends to the client and the professional
• what we do matters
• we can do better and more and we must not let any managed care company or politician limit our creativity, passion and drive to make the world a better place
• that any obstacle I may face as I build a business will NEVER be as difficult as one day in these children’s lives. I have no right to complain and I need to work hard to get what I want out of life because I have been given much and to fret it away is a waste.

Those kids and families drive my work to this day.  I will never forget them.